Thursday, April 12, 2012

A Step to the back, A Step to the front

I've been involved in Middle Eastern dance for what will be 11 years this fall. I have been a student, teacher performer and I continue to be a student of this glorious art form. However, sometimes when we do something for a long time, we don't recognize the value that it brings to our lives or even it becomes "normal" to us. Don't get me wrong, I feel blessed and very special to do what I do for a living. But sometimes we need a little jolt to inspire us and take us to the next level of being.

This little jolt happened to me exactly a week ago. I was going through a very difficult time personally and had the choice of either sitting at home being sad or going out and doing something I had wanted to do for the last 3 years. There is a bar near my house called On the Rocks. Every Thursday night they host a salsa night. Despite my many years in dance, I had never tried salsa and only really learned the basic foot pattern in a zumba class from one of my instructors.

But I felt this pull. This incredible pull. Due to my life circumstances, I hadn't felt comfortable going to salsa night on my own before. But this night was different. This night I needed to break away and own my own life. I wanted to take it back and do something for me. As a teacher, a lot of what I do is for my students, who are my life blood. But I needed something that was strictly for the nourishment of my own soul.

I managed to wrangle a good friend to come along with me. As we were standing in the line up outside waiting to get in, I could feel my body start to buzz. My hands were tingling. My legs were vibrating. My head was spinning as I was looking around at all of the beautiful men and women that had piled into the club and were dancing.

The door man gave me a bit of a hard time, which my friend later identified as flirting. I think he could see how excited I was and wanted to taunt me a bit. When we finally stepped inside the club, the music took me over. I felt instantly like I was transported to Havana. People of all backgrounds moved around to this glorious soul shaking music that made my blood hum and my heart pulse.

I walked up to the dance floor and before I knew what was happening, a very large Cuban man had asked me to dance and was spinning me around the floor. I begged forgiveness as I didn't know how to salsa and it was my first time, but I just followed along. Followed. A first for me. I don't follow anyone in dance and it was a glorious moment to surrender to a man who could lead me and knew what he was doing.

Once the dance was over, there was a friendly smile and a pat on the shoulder and we went our separate ways. Really? No leching? No asking for my number? Or trying to grab me? It was exhilerating! We parted ways with a mutual respect and found other partners. Before I knew it, I was being asked to dance and was being passed around the dance floor. I could feel a slick river of sweat running down my back and I loved the sensation of it because I knew it meant that I was being baptised in the river of Salsa.

As the night progressed I learned that it was typical etiquette for a man to ask you to dance and that most of the time you said yes, unless you got a super creepy vibe. I was approached by a young man who I thought was Cuban and wearing a baggy scruffy t-shirt and jeans. He was about my height. He asked me to dance. I was a bit unsure, but I thought why not?

When he grabbed my hands and started leading me on the dance floor, I almost fell over in shock. He was so strong and so sure in his movements. His appearance hadn't matched his dance ability. I felt immediately humbled by this acknowledgement and proceded to thoroughly enjoy myself. I told him that I didn't have much experience with Salsa and I apologized for my awkwardness. He smiled and said some very simple and impactful words, "It's just a step to the back and a step to the front."

That sentence that took him only a moment to say rang true throughout my body. It was like he had taken my entire life experience and placed it in a few short and simple words. My head started to swim and it took me a moment to really concentrate on what was happening. Some simple steps, made more complex by your own ability and experience or remaining simple and stylish. Close or far apart. Didn't matter. It was all just a step to the back and step to the front.

After this I took a little break from dancing and grabbed a drink, chatting with my friend. When out of the blue, another friend of mine popped out of no where. A friend who had stopped by my dance studio only days earlier and had chatted business with. There she was! A kindred spirit! Someone who I had always felt an instant emotional connection with.

She introduced me to some people and before long I was watching some very experienced salsa dancers dominate the floor. I was speechlees. I only wanted to watch them. I felt by watching them I was sharing in this incredibly intimate and beautiful moment that only lasted a song, but was intoxicating in its sensuality.

As I was watching, I spotted a small and very beautiful Latin woman dancing with a partner. The way she moved, her hair, her confidence, the surety of her footwork seized me and made it impossible to look away. The sway of her hips and the smile on her face. It was like poetry. Very sexy poetry. And I realized that salsa was about that experience. The coming together of men and women for the pure joy of dancing and getting rid of the frustrations and limitations of their lives. That for that moment while the song played, they were free. Their bodies did the talking their lips could not or would not allow.

I continued to watch some of the dancing. I felt like Baby in Dirty Dancing when she first sees Patrick Swayze grinding in the night club. I felt so innocent and naive and yet so hungry to learn more and experience the dance for myself. In that moment I knew that salsa was going to be my salvation. Salsa was going to allow my heart to bleed in a way that my own lips could not speak and my own tears could not accomplish. No measure of tears could release the tension and anxiety I was feeling or fill my soul the way that hip shaking rhythm and those soul freeing steps could. The mere observation of the beauty and freedom that accompanied this dance was enough to make me want to hook it up to my arm through an IV and be an addict for life.

I was always afraid to try salsa and now I know why. I wasn't ready for it. Somehow my soul knew what it would mean to me. Somehow my soul knew that it would change me and it wasn't going to let me try it until I was ready to welcome it into my life like a secret lover who had been waiting for me in the background my whole life. I had to let it in without fear of being untrue to my partner by dancing with another man. I had to let it in without fear of judgement or failure, from a place of humility as a beginner.  And I had to let it in so that my soul could move to the next level and the next chapter of my life.