Yes I am up at 2am. And yes I can appreciate the irony of writing on nourishment w hen I am clearly not sleeping. I swear it is due to too many naps today and a flood of nightmares the night previous! I promise I'll get to bed soon.
I have been thinking a lot lately about "stuff". In particular, stuff relating to nourishment and how we intake food. I received an invitation for an event on January 15th which is focusing on Low-glycemic eating and how to make it a part of your every day life. I am really excited about the event and the messages it brings.
Low-glycemic eating in my mind basically boils down to eating delicious fresh foods, as opposed to overly processed or convenience foods. This is over-simplification, but is basically correct. One of my favourite "lazy" product commercials is the pre-peeled, pre-diced frozen potatoes. Golly food processing companies are brilliant. Take something as easy as making mashed potatoes, make it sound hard, slap some packaging onto it and sell it for 5x what it's worth...but I digress. *sigh*
Being a dancer, studio owner and hell, just a woman, I am perpetually inundated with messages from the media, other women, students and myself about weight loss. I, like many other women, struggle with how I view myself, my body and how those two things fit in this world. But I am getting tired of the old dog and pony show and would like to shift the focus from weight loss to nourishment.
I believe that when we focus on weight loss, we focus on deprivation. The idea of "I need to lose weight." already puts you in the headspace that a)you need to deprive yourself of something to be something b)that you are not good enough to deserve nourishment because nourishment leads to extra weight. These are particularily dangerous places to be in mentally because this type of deprivation ideology leads to over eating, starvation/binging cycles and other series food related illnesses like anorexia and bulimia.
What is setting my brain all atizzy is that we are heading into the biggest binge and purge season of the year: Christmas and New Years. I'm sure many of you have already been to several Christmas parties where you ate and drank too much (binge), and then spent the next week feeling guilty (purge), starving yourself (or attempting to) and then binging again because you are hungry and require nourishment. Then, we enter the magical New Year, where everything is supposed to be better and how suddenly there is supposed to be this astronimical shift in the time space continuum where you will suddenly become skinny through deprivation or maniacal amounts of exercise. And when we fail a month later, which we inevitably do because we set unrealistic goals, we feel even worse and hope to god we can manage to not go up another pant size until Spring.
Whew! That was quite the run-on sentence! I'm tired from just typing it! Wow. That is a lot of pressure. I'm sweating and I am just writing about it.
About a month and a half ago, I had a paradigm shift. I was focusing on "lack" and "deprivation". When I realized, I was putting the wrong things into my body for the wrong reasons. I decided to focus on nourishment and filling my body with good food. And to eat lots of really healthy, delicious things. And lo and behold, when I started to focus on nourishment, my body responded with "hey, I like this!" and has started to let go of some of the weight I believe it was desperately holding onto for fear of being starved!
A lot of people say "I don't have time to prepare healthy meals." I am guilty of that. I have some frozen dinners in my fridge for just such an occassion. I am fortunate in that I don't have to go to that well very often, but it's nice having a back-up. I am also a crazed type-A OCD thinker that is constantly churning new ideas and working on new projects (ahem, 2:13am now, yes I know....). So I get it. You're busy. Me too.
But I came to the conclusion that if I didn't stop and focus on nourishing my body through good food and adequate rest (yes I know. I promise I'll get my sleep schedule back. Nightmares are a bitch!) I would put my body into a very bad place that would require a lot of recovery, maybe even doing potential further damage to my body.
I now believe that when we are properly nourished, our bodies will look the way they are supposed to look. I believe that weight issues are at epidemic proportions because we belong to a culture of deprivation and shame, as opposed to nourishment and acceptance. Obesity and weight gain are just symptoms of this culture. The vicious cycle that men and women become trapped in are also symptoms of this culture.
Just as deprivation and shame come in many forms, so do nourishment and acceptance. So what I would like to propose is this: Enjoy your holidays. Allow spending time eating meals with loved ones to fill your being with joy. Let it be ok for you to eat turkey and gravy and stuffing. Because it really is. Those things are delicious. And when you are setting your goals for the New Year, ignore weight and numbers, and resolve to nourish yourself. Whether it is through rest, good food, reading good books, time to yourself, time with friends, telling your spouse and children "NO" (it's ok, I promise) etc., make nourishment your priority and I believe, the things that you want in your life will come to you.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Paid Performances - To do or not to do?
When I was a student I was eager to perform. I loved it. It was my drug of choice. It made my stomach turn and my heart race, but I loved the thrill of connecting with an audience. Dancing and performance are a very personal thing. It means different things to difference people. I had been a performer since I was a small child in various capacities as singer or musician. I have discovered that when you combine something that is very personal to someone with the ability to make money or not to make money, you can at times reach conflict. There are several categories of dancers: Professional, recreational/hobbyist and student. Each of these categories of dancer brings something beautiful to the art in their own way.
Students perform at Haflas and in studio run shows that feature student performances. Student performances remind me of why I love to dance. The joy, the fear, the small mistakes and the bravery to continue are what make their performances so enjoyable. The fact that you get to watch someone discover dance reminds you why you started in the first place. Their costumes can be home made or purchased, although if purchased tend to be less expensive than the semi and pro varieties. Students, even advanced students, should not be paid to perform. It is inappropriate for students to dance at restaurants for money or for private functions for money (or for free in place of a professional dancer). Showing some friends or family members at a party what you learned in class is one thing, billing yourself out as a paid performer is another.
Recreational dancers perform at haflas, stage shows, festivals, and may belong to troups. They do not dance for a living and view the craft as more of a hobby. They may own a couple of nice costumes and maybe even own one or two professional costumes. They can be very talented dancers, but do not tend to view Belly Dance as a business. They tend to shy away from charging appropriately for their time as they see it as "just something they love to do."
Professional dancers perform for paid gigs at corporate functions, restaurants, weddings, private parties and engagements. They own several professional level costumes which they cycle through on a regular basis. They are required to maintain an excellent selection of costumes to provide their clients with variety. In the restaurant circuit, many of the regular customers cycle through a series of specific restaurants and expect to see a variety in costume, dancer and music.
Professional dancers are aware of certain standards of quality: arriving on time, hair and make-up done, high quality costumes, jewellery, ability to play zills continually, veil, ballroom shoes and appropriate music choices for their venue.
Belly Dance is not a regulated art form. This is part of its beauty and part of the problem. The reason belly dance is so accessible is that you can express yourself and don't have to be a certain body type to do so. No one will ever tell you to eat cotton balls in Belly Dance. In fact, they might encourage you to eat more cheese! Where this comes into conflict is that the standards are subjective regarding quality of performance and rates to charge.
After I had been dancing for 2 years, I had the opportunity to perform a gig at a stranger's birthday party. I contacted my teacher at the time and she gave me very little advice. If I were teaching me at the time, I would have told my student how while it was a fun sounding idea, it was really appropriate for her to do. I was at a stage in my life where I still believed the world was a generally safe place. Unfortunately, when your work uniform is a bra and belt, the world can often turn ugly quite quickly.
The people who booked the gig wanted me to show up to a house party at 11pm at night. When I arrived, everyone was completely drunk and I was very very young. The room I was given to change in (I should have shown up in costume) had a big open window that was not covered. I hid behind the bed. Too young and timid to question. My costume was pretty for a student, but not professional quality. I was lead out into a garage to dance where the women glared at me and the men whooted like I was a stripper. The birthday boy was so drunk, he grabbed my veil and whipped my ass with it. The beads snapped and the next day I had a welt on my ass.
After I performed I went inside. The birthday boy followed me, as did his wife. He peed with the bathroom door opened and propositioned me in front of his wife. I laughed it off and ran as fast as I could. Thankfully I had been paid at the beginning of the night. I called the next day and demanded that they fix my broken veil. The wife denied what had happened.
I thought I knew so much at the time, but really, I didn't know anything. I was so upset at how I had been treated. But when I look back at it, what did I expect? I was showing up at a house party at 11pm at night. Everyone would be drunk by then. And I went by myself, as a young woman. I also took payment for a skill that I was not a professional at, and so I was marring my own field with my inexperience.
Performing is fun. As dancers, we all want opportunities to show what we've learned and to get something out of our investment of time and money. But when we are paid to perform there are certain levels of professionalism and expertise that are expect of us. My dear friend Jamilee Abir has a wonderful article on her website about professionalism and performing. http://www.abirscasbah.com/
To the students and recreational dancers: make sure to consider what you are charging and if you are really qualified to charge and perform. Speak to your teachers and mentors about gigs that come up. And remember: restaurants and other venues are always looking for the cheapest thing they can get. But good dancers aren't cheap and cheap dancers aren't good.
Students perform at Haflas and in studio run shows that feature student performances. Student performances remind me of why I love to dance. The joy, the fear, the small mistakes and the bravery to continue are what make their performances so enjoyable. The fact that you get to watch someone discover dance reminds you why you started in the first place. Their costumes can be home made or purchased, although if purchased tend to be less expensive than the semi and pro varieties. Students, even advanced students, should not be paid to perform. It is inappropriate for students to dance at restaurants for money or for private functions for money (or for free in place of a professional dancer). Showing some friends or family members at a party what you learned in class is one thing, billing yourself out as a paid performer is another.
Recreational dancers perform at haflas, stage shows, festivals, and may belong to troups. They do not dance for a living and view the craft as more of a hobby. They may own a couple of nice costumes and maybe even own one or two professional costumes. They can be very talented dancers, but do not tend to view Belly Dance as a business. They tend to shy away from charging appropriately for their time as they see it as "just something they love to do."
Professional dancers perform for paid gigs at corporate functions, restaurants, weddings, private parties and engagements. They own several professional level costumes which they cycle through on a regular basis. They are required to maintain an excellent selection of costumes to provide their clients with variety. In the restaurant circuit, many of the regular customers cycle through a series of specific restaurants and expect to see a variety in costume, dancer and music.
Professional dancers are aware of certain standards of quality: arriving on time, hair and make-up done, high quality costumes, jewellery, ability to play zills continually, veil, ballroom shoes and appropriate music choices for their venue.
Belly Dance is not a regulated art form. This is part of its beauty and part of the problem. The reason belly dance is so accessible is that you can express yourself and don't have to be a certain body type to do so. No one will ever tell you to eat cotton balls in Belly Dance. In fact, they might encourage you to eat more cheese! Where this comes into conflict is that the standards are subjective regarding quality of performance and rates to charge.
After I had been dancing for 2 years, I had the opportunity to perform a gig at a stranger's birthday party. I contacted my teacher at the time and she gave me very little advice. If I were teaching me at the time, I would have told my student how while it was a fun sounding idea, it was really appropriate for her to do. I was at a stage in my life where I still believed the world was a generally safe place. Unfortunately, when your work uniform is a bra and belt, the world can often turn ugly quite quickly.
The people who booked the gig wanted me to show up to a house party at 11pm at night. When I arrived, everyone was completely drunk and I was very very young. The room I was given to change in (I should have shown up in costume) had a big open window that was not covered. I hid behind the bed. Too young and timid to question. My costume was pretty for a student, but not professional quality. I was lead out into a garage to dance where the women glared at me and the men whooted like I was a stripper. The birthday boy was so drunk, he grabbed my veil and whipped my ass with it. The beads snapped and the next day I had a welt on my ass.
After I performed I went inside. The birthday boy followed me, as did his wife. He peed with the bathroom door opened and propositioned me in front of his wife. I laughed it off and ran as fast as I could. Thankfully I had been paid at the beginning of the night. I called the next day and demanded that they fix my broken veil. The wife denied what had happened.
I thought I knew so much at the time, but really, I didn't know anything. I was so upset at how I had been treated. But when I look back at it, what did I expect? I was showing up at a house party at 11pm at night. Everyone would be drunk by then. And I went by myself, as a young woman. I also took payment for a skill that I was not a professional at, and so I was marring my own field with my inexperience.
Performing is fun. As dancers, we all want opportunities to show what we've learned and to get something out of our investment of time and money. But when we are paid to perform there are certain levels of professionalism and expertise that are expect of us. My dear friend Jamilee Abir has a wonderful article on her website about professionalism and performing. http://www.abirscasbah.com/
To the students and recreational dancers: make sure to consider what you are charging and if you are really qualified to charge and perform. Speak to your teachers and mentors about gigs that come up. And remember: restaurants and other venues are always looking for the cheapest thing they can get. But good dancers aren't cheap and cheap dancers aren't good.
Costume Malfunction Chronicles - Episode 3 - The Hair Mishap
After the boob debacle of 2003, I enjoyed several years of relatively costume mishap free performing. Aside from binding a turban so tightly I couldn't see straight or forgetting to pin my belt to my skirt so the belt would twist in performance when my hips started to get a lil' wild, I was in mishap-free paradise.
Then I became a teacher and got busier. Instead of worrying about just myself, I had students to think about now! What were they doing, where were they at? How were they going to manage? I would forget the age old rules of always dancing in the items you purchased prior to the shows. I was a pro now! I didn't have time for such things! Haha.
I was preparing for a show. I was both nervous and excited. It was new territory for me! I was new to Edmonton! I had this lovely hair piece that I normally wore for performances. I love tossing my hair and using hairography in routines. So I was going to flip my head down in this performance. I practised at home with my hair piece on to make sure it would not come off when I flipped it around. It was solid!
It came to the night of the show. I was wearing my favourite costumes, a sexy red and black snake skin number. Yeow! I was dancing to a gorgeous piece of music. I felt great. When it came time to perform I got up on stage and started to dance. I felt very calm but everything I had wanted to do went out of my head. But I came to the part where I wanted to whip my hair around. I knew this part! This part I would own!
I flipped my hair wildly down and up when suddenly. SHIT! Something was wrong! I felt my hair piece pop off. I casually tried to look around the ground to see if it fell in front of me and I couldn't find it. SHIT! Where did it go. So I sensually (cough) reached up my hand to my head and discovered it dangling by a thread! I unclipped it. Holding it out in front of me. I looked at the audience. I looked at the hair piece. And back to the audience.
I clipped it back in, gave a little bop bop to my mop and continued dancing. After I was done performing, I was mortified. How humiliating! It was like in Drag Race when the one drag queen lost his wig in his sexy wild dance and then went all crazy and got freaky for the judges! Maybe it was my TV moment. I was replicating reality television people and the joke was on me!
Afterwards, I think some of the other performers were less than kind, but I was proud of my recovery! In fact, I had oringially been tempted to dance with it like a cane. In hindsight, this would have been the most hilarious option. My response to this little mishap made me examine my life and how I responded to life's little oopsies. I resolved that when life's proverbial hair piece flew the fuck off my head, that I would respond with a smile and nod and keep on dancing....
Then I became a teacher and got busier. Instead of worrying about just myself, I had students to think about now! What were they doing, where were they at? How were they going to manage? I would forget the age old rules of always dancing in the items you purchased prior to the shows. I was a pro now! I didn't have time for such things! Haha.
I was preparing for a show. I was both nervous and excited. It was new territory for me! I was new to Edmonton! I had this lovely hair piece that I normally wore for performances. I love tossing my hair and using hairography in routines. So I was going to flip my head down in this performance. I practised at home with my hair piece on to make sure it would not come off when I flipped it around. It was solid!
It came to the night of the show. I was wearing my favourite costumes, a sexy red and black snake skin number. Yeow! I was dancing to a gorgeous piece of music. I felt great. When it came time to perform I got up on stage and started to dance. I felt very calm but everything I had wanted to do went out of my head. But I came to the part where I wanted to whip my hair around. I knew this part! This part I would own!
I flipped my hair wildly down and up when suddenly. SHIT! Something was wrong! I felt my hair piece pop off. I casually tried to look around the ground to see if it fell in front of me and I couldn't find it. SHIT! Where did it go. So I sensually (cough) reached up my hand to my head and discovered it dangling by a thread! I unclipped it. Holding it out in front of me. I looked at the audience. I looked at the hair piece. And back to the audience.
I clipped it back in, gave a little bop bop to my mop and continued dancing. After I was done performing, I was mortified. How humiliating! It was like in Drag Race when the one drag queen lost his wig in his sexy wild dance and then went all crazy and got freaky for the judges! Maybe it was my TV moment. I was replicating reality television people and the joke was on me!
Afterwards, I think some of the other performers were less than kind, but I was proud of my recovery! In fact, I had oringially been tempted to dance with it like a cane. In hindsight, this would have been the most hilarious option. My response to this little mishap made me examine my life and how I responded to life's little oopsies. I resolved that when life's proverbial hair piece flew the fuck off my head, that I would respond with a smile and nod and keep on dancing....
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Costume Malfunction Chronicles - Episode 2 - The Braless Wonder
There are many examples I can think of (none of my own experience thankfully), where a bra has popped in performance. I will not relegate any stories as I don't want to embarass anyone. However, it is an issue of importance and most of us would have no idea what to do. In my experience, some ladies have responded with the utmost of elegance and grace, and some have not.
The bra is the most sacred part of the belly dance costume, and I would venture to say, the most important. One of my teachers related a story to me where a patron at a restaurant she was dancing in unhooked her bra mid performance, luckily she pinned herself in as well, so there was no "show".
Making certain that your bra fits (isn't too big or small), that the straps are at the right length and that the hooks are strong and secure is vital. Once you've made all of your adjustments, put your bra on and practise in it. If you can do somersaults, do them! Jump up and down, do the hokey pokey, whatever you need to test the strength of your bra.
If after all that (or maybe the ONE time you forgot to check), your bra still pops in performance, your show is over. Quickly cover as best you can (although for most of us, this is instinct) and exit gracefully. If you are lucky enough to be performing two sets or have a change in costume, you can take the time to do so. But please do not hold your bra onto your body and continue to dance. The only thing people will be thinking of is "Is it going to come off? OMG! Her bra almost came off!"
It sucks if you are in the middle of a song (you're lucky if you're at the end), but the best and most graceful recovery is to depart from stage at the moment of incident. Be thankful that you caught it right away and responded with grace.
The bra is the most sacred part of the belly dance costume, and I would venture to say, the most important. One of my teachers related a story to me where a patron at a restaurant she was dancing in unhooked her bra mid performance, luckily she pinned herself in as well, so there was no "show".
Making certain that your bra fits (isn't too big or small), that the straps are at the right length and that the hooks are strong and secure is vital. Once you've made all of your adjustments, put your bra on and practise in it. If you can do somersaults, do them! Jump up and down, do the hokey pokey, whatever you need to test the strength of your bra.
If after all that (or maybe the ONE time you forgot to check), your bra still pops in performance, your show is over. Quickly cover as best you can (although for most of us, this is instinct) and exit gracefully. If you are lucky enough to be performing two sets or have a change in costume, you can take the time to do so. But please do not hold your bra onto your body and continue to dance. The only thing people will be thinking of is "Is it going to come off? OMG! Her bra almost came off!"
It sucks if you are in the middle of a song (you're lucky if you're at the end), but the best and most graceful recovery is to depart from stage at the moment of incident. Be thankful that you caught it right away and responded with grace.
My Mentors - Jumanah and Sahfi
I have had many teachers over the years and attended many workshops. But there are two teachers who have inspired me beyond all others and whose lessons have stuck with me as I continue to dance and teach. Sahfi and Jumanah. There is something very powerful about the relationship between teacher and student. Recently I saw Jumanah dance in a show and it almost moved me to tears. I was overcome with emotion. I felt like a beginner student again and was awed by her grace and beauty. Jumanah is an incredible dancer, but the respect and admiration that I have for her really took my enjoyment of the performance to another level.
Sahfi introduced me to Tribal. Dancing with her and her troup Chiftibelly were a huge influence on my formative years as a dancer and young woman. At times I was too immature to appreciate certain lessons that she taught me. But there are a few lessons she taught me (aside from the huge impact on my style) that I embrace to this day. One, is the importance of valuing your craft and what you bring to others both financially as well as spiritually, emotionally and mentally. She used to say "Good dancers aren't cheap and cheap dancers aren't good." The second thing that has stayed with me is the idea that sometimes when you can't quite get something, faking it is a great fall back. She used to say "Fake it till you make it.", which I use with my students. Rather than "Oh, you can't do it, so don't bother trying." The attitude of "Hey, can't do it? No worries! Here's a trick to give the illusion that you can!" Which I think is a great life lesson.Sahfi has had the single largest impact on my style as a dancer and teacher. My love for the Shamadan started with her and was nurtured and increased with Jumanah. Jumanah took my wild and rough style and taught me how to be elegant and graceful.
I admire both of these women for very different reasons and treasure the talent they have shared with me and others over the years.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Costume Malfunction Chronicles - Episode 1
I have been dancing for 9 years now. In those 9 years I have experienced SEVERAL minor and embarassing costume malfunctions. In this series I will chroncile my multiple moments of embarassing costume mishaps.What's the point in embarassing yourself if you can't share it with friends?
My first costume malfunction came after I had been dancing for 2 years. I was 21 years old. It was at a student hafla that my teacher Linda was putting on. I had my first solo! I couldn't believe it! I was SOO nervous. I had this beautiful turkish costume. It was a black skirt with embroidery, a vest and a hip scarf. I chose to dance to an upbeat Algerian piece of music.
My dad, whom I hadn't spoken to in years, decided to come out to the show with his then girlfriend. My brother was there as well. And one of my mentors, Sahfi. I was so excited and proud to get up and dance. I started on stage (The picture to the left is from the performance). As I was dancing with all of the passion I could muster, I started to notice my top creeping open in the front. It opened a bit more. And then a bit MORE! And then I started think. OMG. My shirt is stretching while I am dancing.
I hadn't put any elastic on the neckline to keep it closed and stretch velvet stretches as you move in it! So holy shit, here I am dancing in front of my DAD and BROTHER and my tits are about to fall out of my shirt! To make matters worse (lord knows what possessed me to make such a stupid mistake), I wasn't WEARING A BRA!
I didn't know what to do. I had to keep dancing....the show must go on! But I didn't want to show my berries to the audience, least of all my dad. Luckily I had a moment of brilliance to help erase the several moments of previous stupidity and I spun around to the back, tucked my tits into my shirt, pulled the top closed and turned back around in the blink of an eye. What a pro! I finished the number without incident, took my bows and walked off stage.
However....embarassing moments came afterwards...."Hey, you dance pretty good, but I thought your tits were going to come out of your top." was really all I heard all night. Haha.
Lesson: Always wear a BRA in performance! Even if you belong to the itty bitty titty club. AND, always secure necklines with elastic.
My first costume malfunction came after I had been dancing for 2 years. I was 21 years old. It was at a student hafla that my teacher Linda was putting on. I had my first solo! I couldn't believe it! I was SOO nervous. I had this beautiful turkish costume. It was a black skirt with embroidery, a vest and a hip scarf. I chose to dance to an upbeat Algerian piece of music. I considered myself to be quite the little seamstress at the time. So I made the black crushed velt choli top that I was planning on wearing for the show. It wans't the tie back style as I didn't want the bulk with the ties. So it criss crossed in the front of the top.
I hadn't put any elastic on the neckline to keep it closed and stretch velvet stretches as you move in it! So holy shit, here I am dancing in front of my DAD and BROTHER and my tits are about to fall out of my shirt! To make matters worse (lord knows what possessed me to make such a stupid mistake), I wasn't WEARING A BRA!
I didn't know what to do. I had to keep dancing....the show must go on! But I didn't want to show my berries to the audience, least of all my dad. Luckily I had a moment of brilliance to help erase the several moments of previous stupidity and I spun around to the back, tucked my tits into my shirt, pulled the top closed and turned back around in the blink of an eye. What a pro! I finished the number without incident, took my bows and walked off stage.
However....embarassing moments came afterwards...."Hey, you dance pretty good, but I thought your tits were going to come out of your top." was really all I heard all night. Haha.
Lesson: Always wear a BRA in performance! Even if you belong to the itty bitty titty club. AND, always secure necklines with elastic.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Respecting Time
Time is precious. Most of us feel like we don't have enough of it. Or that it flies by. We often rush from one thing to another, frantically trying to cram as much into one day as our poor under nourished bodies will allow (guilty as charged). But I would like you to stop and think about time for a moment. Think about what it means to you. Think about how you dislike having your time "wasted" by someone or something.
When I worked in Corporate HR (I know...how did I survive?), people would constantly show up late to meetings or not at all. They would all say "I'm so busy. I don't have the time." but would then complain about certain matters or people wasting their time. Or demand that others waste their time on fulfilling their own needs or wants.
When you consistently arrive late, you are telling the people who are already there, wherever there may be, that you do not respect them or their time. When you show up late for a gig, you are telling the client that you are better than they are and that their timeline isn't important to you. When you show up late to a meeting you are informing the attendees that their start time isn't worthwhile for you to acknowledge. And when you show up late to a class, you are telling your teacher that the moments prior to your arrival weren't important. You also distract the students who made the effort to ensure they arrived at the appropriate start time.
When I discuss being late, I am talking about chronic and consistent lateness. Our culture is rife with it. I am not talking about accidents slowing down traffic or your boss keeping you late or your kids pitching a fit and preventing you from leaving and despite all your efforts you just can't make it on time. I am talking about the mentality of "It's only five minutes, nobody will notice."
The problem is, people do notice. And then they stop calling, they stop being flexible, they stop depending on you or including you in events. When I set a meeting with someone at noon, I have the expectation that they will be there at noon. When someone shows up 20 minutes late for an appointment without a phone call, text or email, they are telling me that my time doesn't deserve respect.
I also believe that we need to stop and smell the roses, but the roses can be smelled when you are on your own time, not when you are making 10 other people wait for you to do so.
When I worked in Corporate HR (I know...how did I survive?), people would constantly show up late to meetings or not at all. They would all say "I'm so busy. I don't have the time." but would then complain about certain matters or people wasting their time. Or demand that others waste their time on fulfilling their own needs or wants.
When you consistently arrive late, you are telling the people who are already there, wherever there may be, that you do not respect them or their time. When you show up late for a gig, you are telling the client that you are better than they are and that their timeline isn't important to you. When you show up late to a meeting you are informing the attendees that their start time isn't worthwhile for you to acknowledge. And when you show up late to a class, you are telling your teacher that the moments prior to your arrival weren't important. You also distract the students who made the effort to ensure they arrived at the appropriate start time.
When I discuss being late, I am talking about chronic and consistent lateness. Our culture is rife with it. I am not talking about accidents slowing down traffic or your boss keeping you late or your kids pitching a fit and preventing you from leaving and despite all your efforts you just can't make it on time. I am talking about the mentality of "It's only five minutes, nobody will notice."
The problem is, people do notice. And then they stop calling, they stop being flexible, they stop depending on you or including you in events. When I set a meeting with someone at noon, I have the expectation that they will be there at noon. When someone shows up 20 minutes late for an appointment without a phone call, text or email, they are telling me that my time doesn't deserve respect.
I also believe that we need to stop and smell the roses, but the roses can be smelled when you are on your own time, not when you are making 10 other people wait for you to do so.
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