"Going through life is like climbing a mountain." Yeah. Cliche and totally unoriginal, but true. For most of us that make the decision to climb upwards towards something unknown, the journey is riddlled with accomplishments, setbacks, achievements and.....plateaus.
Mother effing plateaus.
Plateaus are almost worst than setbacks. Setbacks are something tangible that we can walk up to, pause, point at and say "Hey, you're a setback, but because I can see you very clearly in front of me, I shall just kick you out of my way." Some setbacks are larger than others and may require more than a simple re-routing, toe kick or leap. When we come across obstacles in our path, like boulders, they demand that we roll up our sleeves, dig in our heels and push. Once we've moved that boulder and can feel the sweat of accomplishment running down our backs, there is a satisfaction that soon follows.
But plateaus are different. They're like heavy set in fog or standing on the edge of an abyss and wondering what the hell is on the other side. They can creep up at any time and are typically accompanied by self doubt, worry and confusion.
And they can crop up at any time. You've just scaled a hill that is steeper than 45 degrees, running, with a small llama and kitchen sink on your back, you've transcended this momentous journey when all of a sudden....plateau. Shit. You drop the llama and wonder why the hell you had a kitchen sink on your back, all the while standing still and thinking "Duh? how did I get here?"
Plateaus are dangerous places. They're more dangerous than cliffs or ravines or large boulders because they come at you after a moment of incredible achievement and success. They're dangerous because they can very easily shift you into the head space of "Well, I've had a good run so far, I guess this is a sign that I should turn back and go down again."
And that is where plateaus are dangerous. You either hang out on one for a while or you turn around and go back in the direction you've just come from, undoing all of your llama carrying hard work.
Plateaus are where the real heel digging begins. They're the spot where your courage and strength are truly tested. It's on this plateau where you really have to examine what you want and where you want to go. You could have made it up the mountain being chased by a bear and when you finally managed to get away from the bear, you are elated. But you don't know how to continue without something chasing you or propelling you forward like baseless emotions such as anger, disdain or pride.
Plateaus are lonely places where our stuff is really tested. It's where the emotion of the journey sets in. It's like the day after a wedding or a huge victory and the question that pops into your mind is "Now what?"
And man can that be a dark place. "But I've done so well up to now! Why am I stuck here? Why do I feel like I am being held from going forward?" I believe the answer to this lies inside of us and that plateaus come from the deep dark places in our hearts that either haven't been healed or haven't been addressed in a real and meaningful way.
I recently hit a plateau where I looked around and said "Ok. I've come far enough. Time to retreat. I don't want to push forward. It's too hard and it takes too much out of me." I didn't want to move. As a person very dear to me put it, I had momentarily lost my "spark". I didn't want to do anything. I continued to work out, not because I wanted to, but because I'd already paid for the classes and figured that I should. I felt helpless and like I was at the mercy of the things around me, with no choice or control. Yep. It was one of those plateaus. Deep dark and ugly.
So I had to make a choice and I knew it. Would I just lay down or turn back and go the direction I just came from? Would I go back to the things in my past that brought me so much misery and pain? Would I dare undo the things that I had worked so hard for because it had become too hard? Did I care? Did I honestly care? And what scared me was that my immediate answer was that I didn't care.
And once I realized that I didn't care, I knew that was the spot on the plateau that I had to dig in my heels. I'd found it. I realized that it didn't matter that I didn't care at that moment. I would care in the future and I would be sorry for turning back in any way, shape or form. So I dug in my heels and pushed up with all my strength and discovered that I wasn't on a plateau anymore, but at the base of a hill that I could look up and see a beautiful destination at the top and all I had to do was put one foot in front of the other and keep on moving.
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